AFRAID (A 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes Post)

What am I afraid of?  I've been afraid of lots of different things through the years, but right now, I'm afraid of my right knee.

My right knee has decided to rebel.  It doesn't want to do its job - holding me up!  It's been giving me fits off and on for several months, but it always improved quickly.  Not this time.  It had been giving me twinges a few weeks ago, so I was careful about how I stood up from a picnic table.  I had gotten up a couple of times with no problem, but the third time, when I started to put my weight on my right foot, my knee betrayed me.  I could barely stand.

It has gotten a little better since then, but mainly because I've changed how I walk.  Normally when you walk, your knee flexes a little as you lift your foot off the ground, then extends as you step forward and shift your weight to that foot.  I can't do that without pain.  I've discovered that I in order to walk, I now have to pretend I don't even have a knee.  I keep it straight, and swing it forward like a piece of wood.

As long as I don't flex my knee before I step forward, I can walk, but it's slow going, and really awkward.  Since that day at the picnic table, I don't trust my knee, and I'm afraid to do a lot of the things I usually love to do - hiking, running, bicycling, sailing.  I'm afraid to walk on uneven ground.  If it's not paved, I'm not walking on it!  I use a cane ascending and descending stairs.  Suddenly, I'm walking like an OLD person!

Tomorrow I have an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon.  I'm afraid I'm headed for a knee replacement.

So, yeah, I'm afraid.

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This post is part of the 31-Day of Five Minute Free Writes challenge link-up.  Today's writing prompt was "AFRAID."  For more information on the challenge click here.