Something's Gotta Give

As if all the STUFF going on in the world weren't enough.

The coronavirus is starting to surge again, and things like toilet paper, paper towels, and cleaning supplies are becoming scarce, and my foraging trips are getting longer and longer.  Protests over social justice have been ongoing for over two months now and the social media are uglier and uglier.  The church denomination I belong to is getting ready to split, and I'm not sure what I'm going to do about that.  The economy is unsettled.  There is so much uncertainty in all facets of life that we're all kind of walking on the edge.

So I've had a frustrating week.  After days of rain, the weather has finally cleared up, but then That Man and I had a "discussion" about the financials of removing the buckeye tree that snapped off.  And the next day, his cell phone bit the dust - the battery wouldn't hold a charge more than a couple of hours on standby, and it's a phone with a battery that couldn't be replaced, of course.  He's been back at work for nearly three weeks, and working third shift, he sleeps during the day so I was left with the fabulous job of securing a new phone.  When That Girl was here at the beginning of July, we drove to the Verizon store where she stood in line outside and waited her turn to buy a new phone.  It took some time, but she got it done. 

Well, things have changed since then!

You can't just show up and buy a phone anymore.  I had to go online, figure out what phones were acceptable, then figure out what phones were actually available nearby (he wanted it ASAP), then order one and pick it up curbside.

Easy, right?

Well, it SHOULD have been, but...!  When I'd click on a specific phone, a different one would come up.  When I finally got a phone and a case into the online shopping cart and agreed to this that and the other, I clicked on "Proceed to Secure Checkout," and wound up on the same page.  I checked and checked, but I hadn't missed filling in any fields or checking any boxes.  So how come I couldn't Proceed to the Secure Checkout? 

I started working on this project at 9:00 in the morning.  By noon, I hadn't been able to even get a phone into the cart!  I was working on a laptop, and I was to the point of pounding the keyboard with my fist (NOT my typical solution to computer troubles) and almost throwing it across the room and against the wall.  I was so frustrated and angry I couldn't stop tears from coming.

Finally, I gave up and called Verizon.  The nice lady on the phone said three-quarters of the calls she'd gotten that day were about trouble with the website.  She placed my order and we crossed our fingers - it went through!

The hard part was over!  HA.

 In about an hour, the email arrived - come get the phone.  I drove to the store, got the phone, drove home, and started activating the beast.  During the activation, you can copy your setting and apps just by having the old phone and the new phone next to each other.  Things were going according to plan, but then the new phone tried to pull the settings and apps from MY phone!  GREAT.  More frustration and tears until I figured out how to back out of the activation mode and start over. 

When it was all over, it was 5:00, and I was mentally and emotionally exhausted.  The next day, I felt like I had a hangover!  I was completely worthless.

So why did it affect me so strongly? 

Well, like I said at the beginning of this post, we're all walking on the edge. The stress that's become the white-noise background of our lives and keeps us on the edge.  I'd found a precarious balance on the tightrope, and the phone fiasco was just enough to push me over that edge. 

Oh, it was definitely annoying and way too time consuming, but was it something to cry over?  No, but when you're overwhelmed,something's gotta give, and it did.

BURDEN (A Five-Minute Friday post)

I remember my parents saying they never wanted to be a burden on anyone.  They had it all planned.  They had their finances in order, they traveled, they took part in their activities, they had FUN.

But then Mom started being afraid to drive, to get her hair done, to go out of the house, to have us visit.  She didn’t want Dad to go out, either.  She was afraid for him to leave her.  She was suffering from crippling anxiety. 

At the end, Dad was sitting with her all day, from early in the morning until late at night.  He didn’t have time to bathe, do his shopping, pay his taxes, or any of the things he enjoyed.  My sister and I spent alternate weekends sitting with Mom so she would have someone with her and he could get out and do the things he needed to do.  She didn’t like it much.  She really wanted HIM, not us. 

But, no matter how demanding she became, he stayed by her side. 

He never considered her to be a burden.

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This post is part of the Five-Minute Friday link-up.  Today's writing prompt was "BURDEN."  For more information on Five-Minute Friday, click here.

What I’ve Been Reading - Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig

I want life. I want to read it and write it and feel it and live it. I want, for as much of the time as possible in this blink-of-an-eye existence we have, to feel all that can be felt. I hate depression. I am scared of it. Terrified, in fact. But at the same time, it has made me who I am. And if - for me - it is the price of feeling life, it's a price always worth paying.

          - Matt Haig in Reasons to Stay Alive

At age 24, Matt Haig nearly jumped off a cliff.  He has lived with depression and anxiety for many years.  

This book surprised me.  Matt Haig describes his descent into depression and anxiety and how he climbed out of the hole and learned to live with them.  It’s not long, but there’s a lot packed into it.  If you or someone you love live with depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, or any mental illness, this book will give you hope.  If you don’t, there’s a lot to be learned about what it’s like to live with mental illness.  

He talks about what it feels like to be depressed and anxious.  There’s no pyscho-babble here - just the experiences and thoughts of a survivor.  I especially liked his lists - famous people who have/had mental illness, tweets from ordinary people about ways to deal, what helps (apparently peanut butter sandwiches and country music!), and what doesn’t.

This isn’t a sad book.  On the contrary, he looks at his depression and anxiety as part of what has made him who he is.  And he sees humor in his life.  There is a lot of good advice for everyone (”If the sun is shining, go outside.”) in the lists.  I’m working on my own list.

If you can find the audiobook, get it.  He reads it himself, and it’s excellent!

COMFORT (A 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes Post)

What's more comforting than lying in your warm bed under a bunch of blankets when it's cold outside your cocoon?  I've always loved the feeling of a pile of heavy blankets pinning me down in bed.  One of my parents' friends gave them an entire sheep's fleece as a wedding present.  They had it made into a comforter, which, decades later, I confiscated and used on my bed.  It was HEAVY, but oh, so comforting.  Who in his right mind would want to be able to move?  So soothing, all that weight.  It makes it easy to fall asleep.  I've "known" that for forever, but kind of thought it was just me. 

Turns out I'm not alone.

I've been hearing a lot recently about weighted blankets - mainly about how to make your own - but never understood what they were for. 

So, of course, I googled it!

Weighted blankets are used as occupational therapy for kids and adults with sensory disorders, anxiety, stress, and issues related to autism and ADHD.  One blanket company website lists over thirty disorders or diseases with symptoms that may be helped by deep pressure touch stimulation (the same idea as swaddling!) from PTSD to Alzheimer's to panic attacks to menopause.  Basically, a weighted blanket gives you a whole body hug.

An article in Forbes states weighted blankets may help others sleep more soundly, waking up happier and more focused.  Sounds like something we all could use.

Fascinating! 

And comforting.

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This post is part of the 31-Day of Five Minute Free Writes challenge link-up.  Today's writing prompt was for Five Minute Friday, "COMFORT."  For more information on the challenge click here.